I look at you, and even when I know you cannot be mine, a little piece of my heart wishes you can be. A little prayer, a little wish, a little magic, I wish you could have been mine. Why didn’t you choose me? Why did you not?

I am with a really good man right now, he is whatever I always missed in you, but still, I have this craving for you, and when I do, I feel guilty. You loved me like no one ever did, no one ever could, not even the man whom I thought was the one for me. It was too late until I realized, that I made a mistake and there is no second chance, there is no going back.

I have always had this fear in my mind, what if I end up missing you on days like this, I felt safe with you, you were always there for me, and the steamy nights were amazing, you always knew where to touch me, what do I like, making me feel like a night goddess.

It was not always your touch that I missed, but how you made me feel. My friends hated you, I wonder what did I saw in you, to have given you a chance, to me you were perfect until you weren’t.

You never had eyes for another woman other than me, you were every girls’ dream out there, you were the first person I would ever run to in distress, unfortunately, you still are.

I look at your Instagram, you have removed our pictures, with all those heart eyes, with those lovely captions, I miss being a part of you. You never hid me from the world, you always wanted to show everyone how much you loved me, it was me, always keeping you in the curtains, fearing, we won’t last long. I may not be the person with whom you are going to spend the rest of your life together.

I look at myself, I was happy with you. Somethings are never meant to be, no matter how much we try, how much we try to forget everything bad that has happened. I was one such freak show, who never acknowledged your pure love for me. I wanted more, I wanted everything, I was too critical of you, and you always bowed, you always tried to keep up to my standards, my expectations, until one day, you didn’t.

I had always taken you for granted, and one fine day, I realized, you are no more mine, I have lost you forever. I have never been the one you looked forward to whenever you needed me, I wasn’t there. I look at you and your to-be wife. I wonder if she loves you like you wanted to be loved, do you miss me when you sleep with her, when you fuck her brains out, just like you did mine, you were wondrous and I have never felt that way with my husband.

He is a nice and gentle person. I love him so much, but I can’t stop thinking about you. He never turned me on like you did. I look at how happy you two are, and I wish I could be there too, had it been different if I had chosen you, were my life choices accurate as I considered them to be? You promised me the world, you didn’t only promise me, you actually did. I was foolish to throw it all away. I wish I can go back to you now.

I still remember having heard about you being engaged, I laughed, I was so in love with you and you with me, I never imagined, someone else can come along and I would just become your history, not soon after I met my husband, he was everything you were not, you went away, with your wife and I with him. Years have passed and I am alone with my wine, drinking tonight looking at our pictures, our makeout concourses.

I wish we can have whatever we had earlier, one night of making me feel like the goddess again, I miss your touch, I bite my lip and I caress my neck, where you used to nip. Kissing my lips, underneath my ears, making me moan, softly, and making me wet, wanting you, making me want you more. We were two bees in the pod. I would always give it to you. I am breathing heavily, thinking about the gorgeous naked night we did in your bedroom. You were so damn good in bed, I rarely thought about it until you did it to me.

I had never felt closer to anyone like that before, bodily, intellectually, emotionally. I miss what we had. I finish my wine, and I wish to have one night of you, in my bed, just like before with you all over me. I look at my phone again, drinking, how lucky your wife is, and I throw my phone away.