I pick up the pen and I write your name with every color in the pen box, which color looks the best. Your name looks enchanting with all of them and I have created a rainbow of your name on this white sheet. I keep looking at the 12 different sets of colors, with your beautiful name.

Confused, I pick up the red color since it is the color of love. So now the color is set, I take another sheet of paper. To write you a love letter, my first ever love letter. I start writing

Dear Love,

I now keep staring at the paper, what to write, I don’t know how to write a love letter. What do people write in the letters anyway? I keep thinking for another few minutes, nothing comes to mind, except your face, your charming exquisite face. How do people prepare so many drafts, I can’t create even one.

Well, let me write whatever is coming to mind, it’s not that difficult, Maybe I am just overthinking it so I start penning down my thoughts.

Dear Love,
Well, it’s 2021, who writes letters anymore. I wonder if it’s still romantic to write letters as a symbol of your love that you haven’t declared yet. I haven’t written a letter before.
I wonder what do people write in them anyway. So let me change the color, it’s looking a bit boring, let me write with green now, it combines with red.

What the crap? What am I writing, and I crush it and throw the first draft away, I can’t even write something decent. This is crap. Oh now, I know! Crushed papers.

I take another piece and I beautifully decorate the borders and I write your name with lovely hearts all around. Staring at the blank piece of paper below, what to write in this?

Dear Love,
I am so excited to meet you. I thought we won’t be able to meet for a long long time. I hadn’t been expecting you to visit me, I wonder when will you come to see me. I still don’t know whether you also feel my love as intensely I feel it inside of me. I don’t know whether you love me or not, it’s so difficult to pretend that there is nothing though I love you so much, and it’s so difficult to confess it to you. Your face makes it so difficult to say anything, so I hide it.

What next? Oh, I re-read it and it’s bullshit, Another crushed draft. Such a daft beginning. The beginning should be perfect. Another hour passes by. I have wasted 10 pages trying to write a perfect love letter for my love. I am looking for words and nothing comes to mind. I now understand, why people find it so difficult to write when they are in love, cause no words in any language, can do justice to the feelings inside the heart, all words, seems useless, they define so little of what we hold in our heart. We love so much, show only 20% of it and hide 80% of it. Oh God forbid, I don’t think even the most romantic author on this earth has written a beautiful love letter expressing their love truly or fully with words.

These words are the spider’s web, they create illusions, they create everything possible in this world, but feel so less when someone tries to tell the one how much they love the other person. How deep! How smitten they are by them.

After realizing such a failure I am at writing anything to tell you how much I love you, I create some doodles and write the three golden words of love in the smallest possible corner piece of paper left after finishing all the white papers full of crap!

I roll it into a cigarette and I put a red tape over it, to seal it with my love. I click the pictures of the first roller I ever made. Now the big question, how to give it you, how would I just sweep it under your pocket, without you knowing?

So I wait until we meet, and once we do I put it inside your bag, without you knowing. Hoping, how would you react when you see it. So I wait for our casual meeting to end and for you to get back home and find it.

I wait for you to say something, did you find it, did you not, did you open it, did you not? If you did, did you like it? Or you saw it and forgot about it? I don’t know whether you found it or not? What if it’s bizarre? or You found it too funny?

So until my love is reciprocated, let me just think that you found it and you loved it, and here is one more time of saying those lovely words. I love you so much.